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SOUL RECOVERY

12-Week online community program for those struggling with the heartache of family addiction and are ready to embark on a powerful healing transformation, SOUL RECOVERY provides simple ancient healing techniques within a safe community. Because normalizing the conversation around addiction is  key to activating our portal to profound healing. 

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Heidi's Yoga Journey

Life kept piling on. Relentlessly. 

I mean, everyone does it, right?  If I just keep stacking on life’s demands as presented, and if I just work harder, smarter and faster, controlling all the details of life, then it will eventually calm down….? I continuously struggled to balance all the needs as a caregiver, income generator, house organizer, party planner, grocery and meal provider, activity runner, emotional stabilizer, love giver and comfort supporter…….the list kept growing. As the demands of “normal life” increased, the pressure to be the strong hold and keep life running smoothly in all areas intensified………

……..and that was just normal life. Then came the not so normal aspects. Alcoholism and addiction began to engulf many of my loved ones. It was through the progression of their diseases, and the growing chaos and instability, that my need for control grew exponentially unhealthy as I began to navigate my new normal. 

Control, control, control.

Keep going, you must survive. 

Push harder. 

Control more effectively. 

Plan better. 

Organize better. 

Clean all the messes. 

Finish all the laundry. 

Perform better at work. 

Cook more efficient, yet tasty meals. 

Be better at controlling all the details, in all the areas.

After you fix it all, after everyone gets better. That’s when you can enjoy life again and take care of yourself. 

The tighter I clung to controlling the lives of those I loved, the more angry, bitter and resentful I began to feel. Internally always irritated. Overwhelmed. Grumpy. Discontent. Externally my physical body began to revolt. Overrun with negative energy, it outlashed in pain. Not able to digest my normal foods, my stomach was a storehouse of pain and constant churning. Right sciatica led to excruciating back pain with limited physical movement. Ovarian cysts, joint pain, persistent headaches…..the list seemed to compile faster than I could make doctor appointments. 

Although I didn’t recognize it on that cold November night, when I chose to take one small step towards self care and join my first yoga class, a powerful healing journey had been initiated. 

It wasn’t a magical light beam that shot into my soul that caught my attention, it was the subtle softening of my inner hardened core. Sitting in stillness, my body at the edge of discomfort in the long held yin poses, I saw my dark shadows begin to emerge. My cold, hardened, dark, lonely, controlling, gripping, deeply saddened, angry, bitter, resentful, and scared self. Tears would trickle down my cheeks in the darkness, and this subtle result drew my curiosity. I continued to return to the classes. 

Yoga was a gateway tool that initiated my healing journey.  I needed a change, and didn’t know the slightest way how to begin to heal.  I didn’t even know I necessarily needed to heal.  I just knew my joy was lacking and the struggle was overwhelming. The harder I gripped onto control over my situation, the more unhappy and pain ridden I became. 

Over the past few years I have continued to compile tools for understanding the connection between repressed emotions, or shadows, and physical pain. Kundalini and various yoga, meditation, creativity, time in nature, counseling, alanon, accountability coaches, and adventures have all contributed to my healing. Each method brings awareness of new possibilities of growth.

Through the variety of tools, I am learning to surrender control of my unwanted patterns and habits everyday. Sometimes I surrender with ease, while other times the struggle is arduous. 

I choose to fight towards growth everyday. Every damn day. Because the alternative is dark and lonely, tight and restcrive. With each stage of growth and healing I have found new hope and a resurgence of joy in my life. 

My one small action step of going to a yoga class began my journey. What’s one small step you can take in reclaiming your authentic joy and launching your own healing adventure today? 

Need an idea? Try my QUICKSHIFTS series. They combine 1-3 minutes of movement with affirmations to help shift energy quickly throughout the day. 

QUICKSHIFTS: Shed the past, move into the present.

“Truly, it is in the darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us.”
– Meister Eckhart

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