How to Calm the F* Down While Living Around Addiction

Crazed With Rage

“You need to get ahold of yourself and calm the f* down Heidi.” That was what I told myself, repeatedly, but it did not help. How could I stop going crazy? And the real question, “How to calm the f* down while living around addiction?”

My blood was raging, like lava boiling throughout my entire body. An internal sea filled nasty, toxic, murky blood. This negative energy rolled through me as a flood of crude oil invading the pristine beaches of the Maldives Islands. I wanted to turn this spouting gross energy off, and calm down, but it was out of my skill set. The rage controlled me, I had no tools to combat this kind of energy from overtaking my entire being.

Fists clenched with massive tension, tears spewing uncontrollably, body shaking with rage. I began shouting and screaming for all to take in, “I want them gone. I hate them. They continue to ruin my life. What a horrible person, worth nothing. They could die and I wouldn’t care.”

A Moment of Awareness

Before you take a seat of judgement, let me continue.

One of my loved ones has struggled with a meth addiction for over 20 years. At the peak of their struggle, the height of their addiction (street living, gang joining, theft living, consistent drama and fear inducing), my dad had a major emergency. Triple aortic dissection, alongside a massive stroke.

Emotion, fatigue, stress, grief, confusion were all consuming. The family had gathered to share in the support of the family emergency. It just so happened to coincide at the pinnacle of my other loved ones addiction. It felt messy, there were so many emotions for the unknown future of my father, only compiled with drama and chaos from the erratic drug induced behaviors from my loved ones addiction.

My healing journey was in its infancy. I knew I wanted to change, I had awareness of my ill feelings and knew it was toxic to continue living with this rage. Yet I could not prevent the negativity from consuming my body, mind and soul. It was stealing my joy and I knew it.

The Moment of Awareness

I had minimal tools, so when the big crisis with my father hit, I had no reserve energy bank for the craziness. There was no knowledge of self-regulation, I could only feel the anger and shame. Rage lurked around every corner, and sprung at a moments notice. My nervous system had been completely dysregulated for years, equipped only with beginners tools, I moved forward the best I could.

As my physical body shook, spewing hateful words and wishing ill thoughts, I became aware of my incredible need for change. Within this catalyst of a situation, life exploded, and I went down in flames. But within the burning carnage, it shed light on my drastic need for change. I had always been so loving, kind and compassionate. What had happened? How could I be so full of toxic anger? In this moment I knew I wanted to calm the F* down, and connect back to joy. It was time to stop allowing others to steal my cam and joy.

Tipping Point to Chaos

I can say that it was after this tipping point of emotional chaos, that two weeks of complete insanity, that I began to dive into deep healing work. Not long after I found an amazing trauma therapist. Then, I joined an instructional yoga program to find a healing community (it was an incredible online 200 Hr -Yoga Teacher Training by Uplifted yoga, I HIGHLY recommend!), and I began my daily kundalini yoga practice.

Fast Forward

Fast forward several years. It worked. I feel renewed and full of light and love once again. Daily, I changed by rewiring my unwanted mental patterns and shedding the layers of trauma one day at a time. Here’s some of my key healing take-aways from my daily kundalini yoga practice and healing methods:

  1. No more disassociation or numbing, I am able to hold space for strong emotions, enjoy the full spectrum to feel.
  2. Continuing to love and accept myself exactly as I am.
  3. Learning to love and accept others exactly where they are. With firm boundaries and complete compassion (no more wishing death to others, but finding space again to love).
  4. Processing the traumas of the past, no more compartmentalizing or holding the energy within my physical body (freeing myself slowly from chronic physical pain).
  5. Releasing the energy of rage and furry opens myself to use that space for positive energy towards areas of living that LIGHT ME UP WITH DELIGHT!
  6. Laughter has returned.
  7. Dreaming has ensued with extra vigor.
  8. I smile everyday.

It takes time and dedication to healing practices to rewire the years of unhealthy patterns. Transformation is possible, you just have to take the first step. For help with clarity around difficult decisions surround addiction, check out this post to help with clarity.

Call the therapist.

Join the course.

Start your daily healing practice. It works. There is hope in healing. You can learn to Calm the F* Down when chaos arises.

You can find several options on my YouTube channel to start your healing today:

+ 11 minute video to help Calm the F* Down when you find yourself overwhelmed with the negative emotions.

+ A 40 Day Yoga Journey for Consistency

Sending you so much light and love and HOPE!

PS. My dad recovered very well and we are ever so grateful, daily! 🙂


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