Control Is A Silent Killer

An Unfortunate Illusion

Control is a silent killer when it comes to finding peace and joy in life. Yet, it is an incredibly common “go-to” habit for those living around loved ones struggling with addiction.

As the constant unpredictability of life begins to increase, your trust begins to wain. Then, you stop trusting in the actions of those around you, and you begin to feel unsettled within your life. And remember, it’s not over night that these feeling and uneasiness creep in….it’s a slow progression over time. Like that old analogy, the “frog in boiling water.” Very slowly, your perception of reality begins to fade.

The loss of reality creates anxiety and an overwhelming craving to control everything. Unfortunately, this starts to manifest in unhealthy ways. The actuality of what you can control gets out of perspective. You begin to live in a world of illusion.

“If I do X, Y, Z better, the drinking will stop.”

“If I just help them figure out their recovery, then they will have success in recovery.”

“I’ve got the solution, I know this will work for them, they just need to do these few things to stay clean.”

The Line Between Helping and Being Consumed

It’s impossible not to want to help when you watch your loved ones struggle. In all aspects of life, not just addiction. This is totally normal, right? We aren’t’ crazy for wanting to help people who are in such turmoil. No, we aren’t crazy…..if we just stopped there. But, there is a fine line between helping and getting totally consumed by trying to control their choices. Or rather, its’ a delicate balance between being supportive and actually loosing yourself to the cycles of their addiction.

This delicate balance is not easy to navigate. And more often than not, it’s completely lost by the confusion created while living around those struggling with substance abuse disorders.

I know. It happened to me.

Lost In The Chaos

Lost in the chaos of their choices. Wrapped up in the drama. Victimized by the choices of others. Trying repeatedly to figure it out for them, presenting them with so many “helpful” options to stay sober or get clean. And, to be totally honest, my advice wasn’t always shared in a beautifully supportive way. Most of the time it came out more self-righteous, accusatory, full of rage and seeded in resentment. Read more on that part of my journey here.

So, this chaos multiplied, due to the illusion that I could control of others actions.

Shedding The Need To Control

Just for a moment, really think what aspects of life do you actually have control over? For me, it’s pretty simple:

  1. What you eat, the nourishment given to your physical body.
  2. How you move your physical body.
  3. Clothes that you wear, and how you adorn your body.
  4. Sometimes, your home or environment. This depends on roommates, family members, etc.
  5. Thoughts you think, the mental fuel you equip yourself with daily.

Other than that, if we really start looking at what we can control in life……there is NOT a lot. So why do we hold on so tightly to the actions of others? Or the outcome of events? And all the dang expectations that you put on circumstances and people? Control is the silent killer of your joy and ability to relax into the flow of life. It steals your enjoyment, bringing stagnation and blah-ness into life!

We waste so much precious energy trying to control all the aspects that are NOT able to be controlled. And that energy could be going to areas of your life that foster health and happiness.

So, how do you do it? How do you let go of that overwhelming need to control and begin to heal?

Consistency in shedding old patterns that give you the false sense that you “need” to control, or that you actually can control more than is possible. I do this by staying consistent in my daily practice everyday! It is the small subtle changes that take place over time. Slowly shifting thoughts, rewiring the illusions. Finding courage to let life flow and relax into life as it unfolds. Including the good and the challenging times. Allowing you to find clarity and curate a life full of wild excitement. Full abundant laughter, space to heal, and courage to step into you fullest potential!

Ways To Release Control As The Silent Killer

Here are a few of favorite affirmations to surrender control, I use them almost daily!

  1. Let go, let life flow.
  2. I freely and easily release the past, and joyfully welcome the new.
  3. I let go with ease.

Do you have struggle with shedding the need for control? What could a consistent daily practice do for you? If you feel ready to embark on a healing journey of your own, try this FREE 40 Day Yoga Journey For Consistency on my YouTube. A video for each day, to build your own consistency while shedding the need to control! Sign up for the FREE pdf packet, including an information guide, checklist, and 40 day journal here.

Sending so much light and love, Heidi

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